Snake Charmer
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Penelope Garcia was looking forward to her weekend with Spencer Reid...until she finds that three truly is a crowd. Written for the PYOP Challenge and the TV Prompt Challenge. TWOSHOT
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Hello fellow readers and authors!**_

_**FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS NOW AVAILABLE for the first ever ff. net based 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To vote, you can access the forum through either my (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969's profile pages. Details, rules and the voting ballot are available at the forum. Please read the rules first…we want your vote to be counted, so please follow the rules! PLEASE COME ON OUT, VOTE AND HELP US SUPPORT THIS VENTURE!**_

_**Want to help publicize the awards? Check out our profile pages for a blurb you can copy and paste to your profile pages and author's notes. We truly appreciate all the assistance our fellow authors have given us and hope you will continue to support this venture.**_

_**Take a look at our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Check out the details on the forum...sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL! Come on over and check us out...You have THREE days left to sign-up! COME ON, FIC LOVERS, CHECK THIS ONE OUT AND MAKE IT A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!**_

_**Looking for a prompt to whet your writing whistle? Our newest Friday Fortune Cookie Prompt is now up at the forum….and this week's suggestion was made by celticstarwolf, so be sure to check it out!**_

_**Ever wondered how other authors and readers feel about their favorite characters on our favorite show? Visit the forum to check out our new discussion thread open for your comments -"With Which Character Do You Most Identify and Why?" And while you're perusing the posts, check out our newest interviews with fellow authors, microgirl, junealii, Naidoo, and !**_

_**Thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories! We think you're all awesome! And now…on to our story!**_

* * *

**Snake Charmer**

**Chapter One**

_**PYOP Prompt: A has a pet or item of clothing that B is allergic to.**_

_**TV Prompt: Satisfaction: What Do You Love**_

There weren't many things in life that Penelope Garcia couldn't find something good to say about. It was part of her charm, her optimistic nature. And it was one of her best qualities. The glass was never half-empty; it was half full in her eyes.

That was, until the day she met Bucky.

Now who was Bucky exactly?

Well, to learn that answer, first you need to hear the rest of the story….

Penelope Garcia and Dr. Spencer Reid began dating three months ago...quite by accident. Who knew that while she'd be training him to be the perfect boyfriend, she'd actually fall for the handsome genius herself? But that's exactly what had happened...at a county fair, no less.

Hell, in typical sappy, sentimental style, she'd even kept her soiled shoes (Don't ask!) sealed in a plastic bag in the very back of her closet to commemorate the occasion. Yes, she'd fallen...and fallen hard. She'd fallen farther than she'd ever fell before...for an exceedingly literal, utterly logical, shaggy-haired genius who didn't even like to use email!

And her descent had been anything but rational...after all, they were complete opposites. But evidently, the old adage was entirely true...like opposing magnetic forces, they very definitely did attract.

Which was why, three months to the day from their very first quasi-date, she was standing in front of his apartment door. She and the good doctor were to embark on their very first overnight play date...at his place. Shifting the strap of her black duffel bag over her shoulder, she tried to still the overactive butterflies flying around her stomach. C'mon, Garcie...this isn't your first trip to the rodeo, now is it? You've had coed slumber parties before!

But never had they been with the man inside the apartment in front of her. Biting her lip as a shiver raced down her spine, images of those graceful hands of his teased her mind...maybe tonight would finally be THE night.

Not that she'd minded waiting...the young, sensitive Doctor Reid was worth every ounce of her precious patience and he was proving himself to be a talented boyfriend - under her expert tutelage, of course. Her protégée had come so far in her Best Boyfriend Ever program that he had been the one that had suggested this first (of hopefully many) all night slumber party.

Things were progressing nicely, indeed, she thought, lifting her hand to knock on the worn wooden door in front of her.

Seconds later, her lovely lug appeared in front of her, breathless and smiling. "Penelope! You're early!" he grinned, his lopsided smile lighting up his face.

"I might have been a little eager to see my brilliant boyfriend," she grinned, her eyes twinkling. "After all, you have been gone a whole three days," she admonished, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his soft lips.

"Mmmm," Reid hummed, returning her kiss enthusiastically, his tongue tangling with hers. Kissing had become one of his favorite recreational activities with the blonde whirlwind that had overtaken his defenses three months ago, and he couldn't deny that he was fervently hoping to further his intimate education with her over their weekend together. "I missed you," he whispered against her lips, not entirely comfortable with his admission, but needing to convey the sentiment, nonetheless.

"I missed you, too, my baby faced young stud," Penelope murmured against his mouth, stepping inside as Reid half-heartedly pushed the door closed behind her.

Drawing back slightly, Reid gestured inside. "Come in," he invited eagerly, gesturing her into the living room. "I've almost got our dinner ready and I've rented a selection of movies from your pre-approved list," he smiled, mentally congratulating himself for following the guidelines perfectly.

"Well, aren't you just going for all kinds of gold stars tonight," Pen winked, moving inside the cozy, neat apartment and dropping her bag on the recliner.

"I paid attention," Reid nodded proudly. "And took notes. Sit down," he said, gently pushing her back onto the long couch. I just need to grab our plates from the kitchen. The DVD player is already cued up with the new Star Trek movie."

"I still say that nothing is going to beat the original crew," Garcia grumbled, relaxing against the cushions behind her. Frowning as she tried to get comfortable on the lumpy cushions, she made a mental note to try and convince her young brainiac to invest in furniture that hadn't been with him since college. But that was another session for another day.

"Give it a chance," Reid urged over his shoulder, his focus moving toward the small kitchen. "Go ahead and start it, okay?"

"Okay, sweetcheeks...anything for you," Garcia sighed, picking up the remote from the coffee table beside her and aiming it at the television.

Fifteen minutes later, Penelope was still trying to get comfortable on Reid's sofa as the clatter of dishes in the kitchen and the movie in front of her warred for attention. Frustrated, as the cushion behind her seemed to conform into yet another lumpy position, Penelope jabbed her hand behind her, determined to move the pesky spring for herself.

Gulping as her hand encountered something cool and scaly, she held her breath. Was the scaly cushion actually moving beneath her fingertips?

Leaning forward slowly, she forced her eyes to move behind her.

Big mistake!

Screaming shrilly as her eyes fell on the monster snake behind her, Penelope Garcia vaulted from the sofa to the coffee table in a single leap, screaming again. "Reid!" she yelled at the top of her lungs as the snake seemed to raise its head and eye her curiously, his pointed tongue flicking at her as if to say, "Shhhh...we like quiet here."

"Reid!" Garcia shrieked again desperately as the snaky behemoth slithered toward her.

"Penelope?" Reid yelled, his footsteps pounding toward her, weapon at the ready. "What's wrong?" he yelled, running into the room.

"S-s-snake!" she screamed, pointing at the reptile currently stalking her. "Sh-shoot it!" she wailed, eyeing the gun in his hand.

"Shoot it?" Reid repeated confusedly, lowering his weapon as he realized there was no imminent danger in the room. "I can't shoot Bucky."

"B-bucky?" she repeated, her eyes wide as she looked from the snake to Reid in complete and total horror.

"Bucky," Reid nodded, moving forward and laying his gun on top of the entertainment center. "I'm sorry. I should have introduced you two before," he shrugged, kneeling to hold his arm out to the snake.

"You two are on a first name basis?" Garcia gasped, pressing a hand to her pounding chest.

"Of course," Reid said reasonably, frowning at Penelope as Bucky wrapped himself around his arm. "Bucky lives here. We're roomies." Extending his snake shrouded arm toward Garcia, Reid grinned, "Penelope, meet Bucky. Bucky this is Penelope, my girlfriend."

And as Reid's snaky arm came toward her, Penelope released another high-pitched scream.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Hello fellow readers and authors!**_

_**FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS NOW AVAILABLE for the first ever ff. net based 2010 Criminal Minds Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To vote, you can access the forum through either my (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969's profile pages. Details, rules and the voting ballot are available at the forum. Please read the rules first…we want your vote to be counted, so please follow the rules! PLEASE COME ON OUT, VOTE AND HELP US SUPPORT THIS VENTURE!**_

_**Want to help publicize the awards? Check out our profile pages for a blurb you can copy and paste to your profile pages and author's notes. We truly appreciate all the assistance our fellow authors have given us and hope you will continue to support this venture.**_

_**Take a look at our first ever ff. net based "Criminal Minds Christmas Gift Fic Exchange"! Sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Check out the details on the forum...sign-ups are simple and run through October 31, 2010. Please, let's make this a Merry Christmas for ALL! Come on over and check us out...You have TWO days left to sign-up! COME ON, FIC LOVERS, CHECK THIS ONE OUT AND MAKE IT A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!**_

_**Looking for a prompt to whet your writing whistle? Our newest Friday Fortune Cookie Prompt is now up at the forum….and this week's suggestion was made by celticstarwolf, so be sure to check it out!**_

_**Ever wondered how other authors and readers feel about their favorite characters on our favorite show? Visit the forum to check out our new discussion thread open for your comments -"With Which Character Do You Most Identify and Why?" And while you're perusing the posts, check out our newest interviews with fellow authors, microgirl, junealii, Naidoo, and !**_

_**Thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories! We think you're all awesome! And now…on to our story!**_

* * *

**Snake Charmer**

**Chapter Two**

Scrambling over the edge of the coffee table, Garcia landed with a thump on the floor as she shielded her face with her hands. "Get that thing away from me, Reid!" she yelled, pointing wildly around the room. "Now!"

Jerking his arm back, Reid stared at Bucky. "You'll have to excuse her, Buck...she's not usually so...loud."

"You're apologizing to the snake?" Garcia yelped in confusion, coming to her knees.

"Well, Bucky is sensitive," Reid reasoned, cocking his head as he tried to pinpoint the source of Penelope's sudden ire. "Have I done something wrong, Penelope?" he frowned in worry.

"Wrong?" Penelope gaped, throwing up her hands. "Reid, you live with a man-eating snake!" she shouted, jabbing a finger toward his arm. "How the hell have I known you for over six years and never realized that they left the fries out of your Happy Meal entirely?"

Canting his head to the side, Reid's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on what Penelope's frazzled voice yelled. "I don't understand," he finally shook his head.

"You LIVE with a SNAKE, Reid!"

"Yes, I do. I have for many years. Since college," he explained, petting Bucky's head. "Many people have pets, Penelope. It's a widely accepted theory that an animal can enhance a person's life."

"Yeah...a cat...or a dog...not a...a...what IS that thing?" she gasped, eyeing the snake curled around Reid's slim arm.

"Bucky is a Columbian Boa Constrictor. I've had him since he was a neonate," Reid explained calmly. "Pet him," he suggested, raising his arm again.

"Pet him?" Penelope gawked, her already wide eyes almost bulging. "So he can bite off my arm? I don't freaking think so!"

"Now, that's just a common error that many people with a snake phobia make. A boa doesn't bite in an attack. It squeezes its prey to death," Reid rationalized.

"Oh," Penelope said, her voice high and tight. "I feel sooooo much safer."

"You are safe, Penelope. Bucky wouldn't hurt a fly," he said, stroke the snake's scaly body with gentle fingers.

"Reid," Pen panted, her chest tightening as she tried to catch her breath. "The snake's gotta go," she said, scooting backward as the serpent seemed to slither down Reid's arm toward her.

"What? Why?" Reid asked, perplexed, as he looked between his girlfriend and his pet snake.

"I'm allergic," Garcia balked, grasping at straws.

"To Bucky? He doesn't even have any fur," Reid said, scanning the creature's graceful, firm body. "And I'm not seeing any obvious physical signs of distress," he noted, looking her over with a clinical eye. While her respirations were coming fast and furious, she seemed to be drawing air into her lungs just fine. No sneezing. No coughing. The only thing he was mildly concerned over were the deadly looks she was casting on his reptilian friend.

"To fear, Reid! I'm allergic to fear," Penelope yelped, jerking the collar of her shirt aside. "Look!" she said, jabbing a finger at her neck. "Hives!"

"A normal reaction to anxiety," Reid determined knowledgably, glancing down at the red splotches. "It will pass as you grow more accustomed to Bucky's presence."

"Newsflash, Brain Boy," Pen ground out, sagging against the wall behind her, her back pushed firmly against the unforgiving plaster. "I'm never going to grow accustomed to the scaly, scary serpent."

"But, you've only just met," Reid shook his head, completely not grasping her unreasonable attitude. "You haven't even had time to form a well informed opinion of him," Reid muttered, dropping kiss to Bucky's diamond head.

"You are never kissing me with those lips again," Penelope breathed, staring at him in horrified awe.

"Penny, you're going to hurt his feelings," Reid chided, snuggling the cold-blooded animal closer. "Bucky was simply seeking out a warm place for a nap behind the cushions. It's his hiding spot. He wasn't trying to frighten you," he tried to explain.

"Too late!"

"I'm sure he's sorry. Let him apologize. He'll give you a good snuggle," Reid offered, trying to show her his snaky friend once more.

"A snuggle?" Penelope stuttered. "From a freaking boa, Reid? I don't THINK so," she shook her head furiously, pressing more firmly against the wall behind her.

"Bucky is really very docile," Reid said evenly, glancing down at the snake.

"Reid, it's an eight foot slithering manacle. He's supposed to be in the rain forest...or the zoo. Not your apartment."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Reid smiled, nodding reassuringly. "Morgan helped me get all the necessary permits to keep him."

"Did he?" Penelope bit out, making a mental note to flay her so-called best bud at her earliest possible convenience. "I'll have to thank him for that."

"Sarcasm?" Reid asked curiously, raising an eyebrow.

"Very much so," Penelope nodded rapidly, reminding herself that her love really was just trying to understand.

"Thought so," Reid murmured, stroking the boa's head. Why was it that females always had this kind of reaction to his pet of choice? Seriously, the landlady had threatened to make boots of Bucky if she ever caught him in the hallway. And the UPS lady refused to deliver packages of any kind after one unfortunate encounter with his friend. Honestly, their views really were ridiculously alarmist of them.

Dropping her head against the wall behind her, Penelope sighed as the reptile began to climb Reid's arm. "So, if I were to say, give you a choice...me or Bucky...I'm assuming that I'd be in the market for a new boyfriend?"

"I would hope that those wouldn't be my only two alternatives," Reid remarked evenly. "I'd like to think there is an adequate compromise that could be found."

Yeah, reptile roadkill would work as a wonderful compromise in her humble opinion, Penelope thought unhappily. Instead, she asked, "I'm assuming that Bucky has some kind of abode above and beyond run of the house?"

"Of course," Reid nodded toward the large glass aquarium consuming one wall of his apartment.

Turning her head to follow his gaze, she grimaced. How the hell had she missed THAT when she came in? "Okay," she breathed, darting a wary look at the creepy crawly, "What if, when I'm in residence, the snake stays safely contained in his own mini domicile," she said, jerking a thumb at the glass cage.

"I think both Bucky and I would consider that to be a reasonable request," Reid smiled amiably before turning toward the snake. "Wouldn't we, Bucky?"

Hearing the snake hiss in response, Pen shuddered. "Put him up, Spencer. Please?" she begged weakly, watching as Reid climbed to his feet, carrying his bothersome boa to the aquarium and scooting him off his arm.

"There," he smiled, turning back toward his cowering girlfriend.

"Put the lid on, too, Reid," Pen ordered, refusing to move until the snake was successfully incarcerated.

Rolling his eyes, Reid calmly lowered the lid on his snake's home away from home. "Okay, Pen. You can move now," he suggested, quickly crossing the room to offer her a hand.

Shaking her head, Pen ordered, "Not touching you until you scour yourself with bleach and I'm not kissing you until you gargle with a gallon of mouthwash."

"Then expect me to be very, very minty," Reid grinned mischievously, "because there's no way what I have planned tonight doesn't involve kissing. Be right back," he said speeding toward the bathroom.

And as she stood in the center of Dr. Spencer Reid's living room, Penelope turned to gaze at the boa staring back at her. "Looks like I'm fucked, Buck," she muttered, meeting the solid eyes ensconced on the other side of the glass. "Luckily, he's determined to kiss me first."

And she could have sworn that snake grinned.

_**Finis**_


End file.
